A Couple of Days in the Bavarian Forest

My fellow lodger here in Innsbruck is from the east of Bavaria, a region called Niederbayern (lower Bavaria). He was enthusing about the climbing in his home region, so we decided to pay the area a visit. I was expecting a place very similar to the moors- esoteric and with a few good lines, but a lot of dross.

 It turned out that the area is actually pretty bare of rock, or climbable rock in any case, but the few crags that do exist are superb. I'd go as far to say that the first route I climbed there 'Schwein Im Weltraum' (pig in space) (f6a) was one of the best routes i've ever done. It was so good I led it twice! I was even tempted to solo it, but decided that some of the moves may not be a good plan.

The harder routes were nearly as good- at least matching up to general european sport climbing standards and on some brilliant Gneiss and Schist. I've only climbed on high-grade metamorphics twice before- once near Chamonix and once in the outer Hebrides, but I'd say that the rock here trumped either of them. It often looks rather brittle, but unlike the Hebrides these crags appear to get a reasonable amount of traffic, so you can be fairly confident holds aren't going to break on you.


Demonstrating my appalling overhang-technique on some steep and slopey F7b. This is not representative of the area, with only a couple of bolts of interest and a bit of a crap line- alas twas the only thing we filmed, as Toby's sister Susi brought a camera one day. I need to re-learn how to clip too...

My only qualm was the bolting, which was fairly moronic in places. There were a fair few moments when I was a bit scared- sometimes (as with the video above) it was my fault for clipping in silly places (oh, the errors of the inexperienced sport climber), but most of the time it was evidently first ascentionists wanting to use as few bolts as possible. It wasn't rare to be soloing 4-8 metres to the first bolt...

We were having a relaxed few days, so nothing too stressful, but we did get on about 8 routes from F7a-F7c+, with only one fall the whole trip (on the F7c+). I'd love to get back there and try the F8as and the other great-looking mid 7s.

Video: The Dark Depths Of The Innsbruck Boulder Scene

So this is how I spend most of my time in Innsbruck. A great resource at only 2 euros a time. If only such things were so cheap in the UK. Just a rough edit of the end of a session...

The Exiled Crusader Tormented By Obsession

Well, perhaps exiled 'filler-in of crappy lines no one else can be bothered to do' might be more fitting. Anyway... Obsession is an interesting topic.

People often proclaim themselves or others 'obsessed'- with climbing, a woman, chess - there are a fair few things that people get pretty 'in to' for sure. I've always steered well clear of saying I'm 'climbing obsessed' for three reasons: the first is that I find it a bit of a cliche; the second is that it infers a lack of control; and the third reason I don't like to admit it, is probably because I am obsessed- much in the same way that an alcoholic likes to shy away from his addiction, I don't really like to let on that most of my waking moments are ravaged by an insatiable desire to bring North York Moors climbing into the modern age.

The Unclimbed Kepwick Groove

This is only heightened by my exile in the German lands. Before, if I really missed the moors, I could just pop home and get annoyed at how far off I was from leading the Mono Wall, or some Nick Dixon death route, and that would satisfy my bubbling 'psyche' for a while. Here though, I am trapped. There is rock all around me; big cliffs of blinding limestone next to my window; to the south, intricate and beautiful walls of granite. But it's not the moors!

Generic Unclimbed Wall- This one isn't even on the list

I remember when I was asking around for advice on how to get strong enough for the Mono Wall (An unclimbed overhanging wall in the moors), some chap said:

"So you want to get good on the best climbing Austria has to offer so you can complete a project on Danby crag....WTF man! "

This reply made me smile so much and this is the obsession part I feel. I love the disbelief, the ignorance of most people as to what beauties lie in the hidden heart of the bountiful Moors (no doubt all over the UK) and of course the fact that there are so few people who have discovered her treasures.

A New E5 on a Crag where no routes had previously been recorded.

I often read the history sections of crags in the moors and it isn't uncommon to see "after a gap of 30 years X came to the crag and climbed X route." That's 30 years! In a sport which has only really existed for less than a hundred; A long time. What happened in that time? Did little Clemmitt's crag just go to sleep? Danby crag morph into a panda and went off for a bit of hibernation?

This is perhaps the wonder of esoterica- the completely untouched nature of the rock. There are routes out there that lie under a thin veil of lichen as good as those head-line grabbing walls, or those polished classics at Stanage that thousands of hands and feet have scrambled over. There are so many of them too. This is what makes me twitch at my desk in Austria. I can only train so many hours a day and so many days a week- the rest of the time I must sit here thinking of the enormous list of routes that are just sat waiting. The Magic Scoop, The Mono Wall, The Kay Nest Aid Route, Vulcan Arete, The Stoupe Rib... The list goes on and on. A life time of climbing that I can't spend my life climbing; The epitome of frustration.

One Buttress That is Complete- The Twin Aretes
(Hypocrisy Of Moose is the centre arete)

So I think I am fairly obsessed and I hope a few more people will get obsessed too and help me out on getting some of these lines climbed.

A Week In Arco

A Crag

As well as having its own collection of excellent sport climbing, Innsbruck is also perfectly located for forays into other world-class areas. One such area is the arco valley, north of Lake Garda, which is just over 200km away and more importantly only about 40 euros return on the train/bus.

With some chums from Manchester visiting this area for a week over Easter, I thought it provided me with a perfect excuse for a bit of a break from my bouldering regime and of course a bit of a holiday.

Fools in the Sun- getting shown-up by the super strong 'Craig', or Greg as he is more commonly known.

I didn't really climb that much- a few 6b+ - 7a+ routes - but it was interesting to see how differently you climb after getting stronger. My endurance was obviously painfully absent, which wasn't a big deal as it was a holiday, but the way I felt on moves was bizarre.


Everything just felt like jugs all the time. And even though I had no endurance, because I was used to such small holds, I found I could rest on way smaller stuff- which was good. I just felt more secure as well- even when being belayed by people I didn't really know (and hence trust), I knew that if I fell off it would be because I tired, not just slipped or my fingers gave in. The knock on effects for trad onsighting are interesting, just a bit of a shame I never go to the lakes or wales anymore...

The Importance of Weakness in Climbing

I am inherently weak- I'm tall and lanky, with a roughly +6 inch ape index. My toes are so far away from my eyes I can barely see them and my arms often feel like they are satellites of my revoltingly skinny body. The shorter and chubbier chums of mine often give me abuse about my genetic advantages and tend to gloss over the issue that haunts many a tall person- being chronically weak. Massive leavers and an absence of muscle lead to naturally under-powered limbs, which is often thought to be a disadvantage. It is, but for learning technique it's a god send.

I've been climbing for nearly five years now and in that time I've never been able to lock off, campus more than two moves or generally do owt that requires the vaguest smidgen of strength. As a result I became a bit of a slab fiend and more recently one of those ungainly people on overhangs, who will try anything but actually pulling on the holds. Eventually though you have to pull and at properly steep places I got utterly trounced. Anyone who climbs E8 before V8 is seen as a bit odd these days I reckon.

Anyway, the technique learnt was almost worth being weak. More recently I have become (for me) properly strong. I can even burn off my German chum now, who is 5 foot 6' and outrageously 'kraeftig'.

In the grand scheme of things I am still weak though. This torments me. I haven't tied on for 6 months (appart from once to second a new HVS over winter) and have been bouldering three times a week since early feb. Not knowing anyone here, and more importantly no one here knowing me, has allowed me to totally immerse myself in my own training. I spent endless sessions falling off moves on 30 deg. overhangs that were likely in the font 6s. Being able to totally abandon your ego is very useful and perhaps the best part of emigrating.

The next step is to understand exactly how weak you are- conscious incompetence. After this is conscious competence and then after that hopefully unconscious competence. But I know I am crap now, which is really important. Contrary to the popular British belief, that there are a load of beasts here (boshing out font 8bs all over the place) the majority of people are even weaker than I am. What's different though is people's focussing on the moves; The difficulty of the moves, but not the grade. No boulder walls here have colours and grades; and people just make up their own thing (which is what I like the most).

I don't really know what this post is about, but generally just thinking about how incredibly weak I am in the grand scheme of things. The Mono wall still waits at Danby and I need to get a fair bit stronger to stand a chance. I'm pretty motivated and determined though. Weakness has served me well so far, now it is time for some Stength!

A Bit Of A Moors Grading Re-jig

Fast development and publicising new routes straight after their FAs is bound to lead to a few grade discrepancies; it's hard sometimes to grade for what you actually climbed, rather than what you expected to climb from looking at the route from the ground. This led to a couple of humerus, and perhaps embarrassing... Downgrades. There are also a couple of routes I think might deserve an upgrade.

Res Publica E5 6c *- We did this after we had done no trad for ages, but that was still no excuse for the daft grade of E6 6c * we gave it. I think we must have been 'on crack' with this one- it's safe as houses. This has one of my favourite moves in the moors on it though.

Vampiric Obsession E5 6b*- I gave this E6 6b**, reasoning that it was harder than Narcisuss (which it is), but I think in the moors it is E5 max, when compared with the other round crag stuff. It's not much harder than its neighbour Honey Arete (E5 6b***) , which coincidentally might actually be E5 6a***.


Mane Vision E5 6c*- We had real difficulty grading this at the time, as our skin was so knackered from all the attempts and after lots of goes at a harder way, we found a simpler way to do the crux. I think it may well be E5 6c*, but it just depends on how good those tiny crimps feel with fresh tips.

Heel of Approval- Dave maintains this is E4, I'd be careful onsight though.

Chocolate Moose E3/4 6b***- This was a real lesson in how one's approach to a route can change one's perceptions of it. I worked it, finding the crux on a shunt hard and the landing far from ideal. The moves would be hard 6b were they in the middle of a 30 metre pitch, which above a not-terrific landing (protected by only one old pad at the time) I reasoned to be E5 6b/c, perhaps even E6 (back to the narcissus thing again). My mate Jack came and did it in a few goes above a load of pads showing it was super safe and font 6c+. I repeated it up to the top jug and concurred- even jumping off after my ascent! Boulder strength and boulder approach can make things a lot easier was the lesson of that day I think and something that needs to be thought about for future moors new routes. Not to worry though, the consensus was that it was actually three stars rather than two.

Owl Buttress Routes- I think we got the grading here pretty spot on- it's the sort of route we are better at grading. The Hypocrisy of Moose may well be harder than the H7 6c*** I originally gave it, after the gear was found by Dave to be largely crap, but apart from that and perhaps the Otter Wilderness Route being E6 rather than E5, I think we got that spot on. Starring was a bit of an issue here, as every route we did on the buttress seemed really good to us, but we were quite conservative- giving Howl Psyche (E7 6b) and Die By the Sword (H7 6c) a measly one star each.

The Jungle Drum E3 5c**- This route got gradually downgraded from the original E5 6b. It was quickly discovered that the direct start up the arete at 6b was unnecessary, after a large thorn bush was cleared out of the way on the left. After this it just got less lichenous and more of a friendly proposition, until a stiff E3 became more appropriate. Class little route though. The Polish Diplomat is still dependent on someone falling on to the cams and them holding though; if it wants a downgrade .

Stoupe Routes- They Stay the same adjectival grades, although the waves aren't 7a in hind sight- I've firmly come down on the side of it being a 'mere' H7 6c***. There was always a bit of a worry that the Scoop might be soft for E7, but until someone survives the fall I'm not convinced.

Snotterdictomy, Otterhill bastion and her direct all seem about right, although they will settle with time. Tricky business this new routing!

Goals for 2012

So, the traditional listing of all those aims one has for the coming year is here. Grades, routes, classics, competition etc. Well, for the first time in my life I can honestly say I don't give a shit about grades. I don't care if I onsight E6 or E7 or HS. If it's about your own improvement then grades don't matter and if it's about competing with others then you might as well give up now, as there will always be someone who has totally lost grasp in the point of climbing and trains like a maniac and is hence better than you.

No, my climbing aims this year are far more spiritual. I want the North York Moors to become monogomous, perhaps sharing themselves only with dooge et al, but certainly focused on me, like I am with them. Relationships are nothing without monogamy and I feel the lengths of adventure I was prepared to go to with the moors, deserves a little respect back. So more talking to the stone me thinks.

Once we have bonded and the Moors lets me explore that mythical state of ultimate friction, where every gram of possible resistance is available to me for upward propulsion, then it's time to abandon the no hands problems and strangery; and head on to the routes.

When it comes to routes, I am interested in the obvious new discoveries, such as the Smuggler's Terrace, but I am not looking for huge quantities of 'fast food'. In general I'll be looking for those really unique routes; routes like the magic scoop at Highcliffe or the footless rib at Danby. These lines are special. They are absurdly difficult, but not in terms of numbers, in terms of what your head and body has to do to climb them. It's not some equation you can work out and rationalise; and to climb them as such is risking seriously pissing off the moors gods permanently- which is never a good move.

So my aims this year are a bit less egotistical, but probably totally unobtainable:
*To climb a mythical line in the moors. Something that makes the first part of my life complete.
*To finish my apprenticeship with the moors and finally feel at peace with them.
*To climb those last routes that I never got round to doing- especially things like Stratagem
*To climb some of Ramsden's and Waterton's routes ground up.

I see a good year this year. I've had a great life so far and if I can avoid the dangerous moments it seems to just be getting better and better.

2011 Finally Over

What a funny year. What a dangerous year. I'm really quite pleased to be looking back at 2011. It was a horrible year really. There were a lot of really great times, loads of new discoveries and I feel a much better person for all the experiences of last year, but there are some rather indelible scars 2011 has left me with.

There have been some pretty big changes in my personal life, namely moving to Austria and splitting up with my girlfriend, that have unsurprisingly had some effects on my climbing; or maybe they are all indicators of a changing me.
















The year started with bad form and very little climbing, culminating in me nearly dying at Tintwistle. This isn't some romantic exaggeration to try and talk about the wonders of the inner workings of the climber's mind, but a reality. The odds would have dictated death was more than likely, but for some reason (or lack of reason) I survived. At the time I didn't think this had affected me at all. I still climbed. I still had a laugh. I still went out and listened to trance music. But on reflection it definitely had an affect on me.

Fast forward 5 months, through a few uneventful new routes and messing around on the welsh testpieces and classics such as poetry pink, and I'm in the alps with Luke. I love climbing with Luke. He's bold when he needs to be, compassionate, really keen and he is kind of the father figure in my climbing. It had been a long time since I had climbed with Luke and it was great to think that I was heading out to the alps with him and his medic friends, who are equally eccentric and interesting. Dave missed this one out, but he was back at home and waiting for 3 weeks on god's own rock afterwards.

Then it all went disastrously. After just over a week of lots of good ticks and making the best of bad weather, we tried Gulliver's travels on the Grand Capucin. I could retell the tale of the great form we were on, and our climbing that gave us cause to be arrogant, but when I think back to that day it is a minor detail in what was basically a totally shit day out. 'Shit' doesn't really do the day justice actually; perhaps 'horrifying' in the true sense of the word is better. In fact when I hear the word horror, I think to that day.

It was the first time I have experienced real horror I think. I have thought before that I was about to die- I have thought before that I had actually died, but this was different. Whatever pain you endure yourself is a pittance in comparison to seeing another's pain. You don't really hear a lot about how it feels to see your friend die before your very eyes. It's not a very popular subject for some reason. This might seem like exaggeration again, Luke is not only alive, but completely fine, so what the hell am I on about? I don't really know. But that old saying 'whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger' is complete bollocks. I may perhaps be a weak-minded individual, but I have got kind of tired of thinking my close friends are dead. Climbing is a game after all and I think climbing in the forever-melting alps is a ridiculous one.

This was then contrasted by our return to England- the magical, peaceful and fruitful valleys of the north york moors. People like to pretend that there is nothing in the UK left to explore, that there is no climbing in the Moors worth probing and developing. Maybe that's true, who knows? All I know is that the 4 weeks after the alps were some of the happiest of my life. I could climb all day with good friends, develop new crags and then go out at evenings for a lot of beer.It didn't even matter that some of the routes we put up turned out to be massive soft touches. The moors is my home. I understand the people and the rock. The faint grooves and impossible aretes inspire me. They make me happy. Recently we have also found a new crag, which promises more happy future memories, away from the terror of the alps.

Horror, horrifying and horrific. Terror, Terrifying and Terrific. The positives are rarer than pain in life and the moors is the natural spring for optimism and happiness I think.

So with every year I get closer to the perfect balance, or perhaps I am nearing total derangement? I have cause to be happy again in my life and when it comes to climbing I know that a couple of really classic new routes a year makes me a lot happier than a cohort of generic nails testpieces. Delusion on the bounty.

The Yule Return- Some New Moors Classics.

I remember when I first started climbing it seemed as if classics had existed an eternity. They were indelibly stained into the spirit that floats around the moors. When you leave the moors for three months and then come back, even to see a classic, such as Cling Wrap (HVS 5b**) at Camp Hill, makes a big emotional stir. The idea of creating one's own moorland classic seemed banished to the realm of dreams. But now it is not. And that causes some pretty spectacular emotions.

I like to think that me and Dave have had an important role in recent years, developing new routes and large portions of lost, forgotten or unexplored crags. But my brief return from Austria for Christmas let us embark on an entirely new experience- discovering an entirely new venue, completely hidden and undiscovered.

Getting Dark on Haddock Crack (HVS 5a**) - Crag X


We have never kept the details of a crag secret before, as generally the routes are of high grades that interest few people and we can return in a short amount of time to finish off development, but with this crag secrecy is unfortunately a necessity.

There are a large number of tall cracks at moderate grades. These are neither short, nor broken, but strong lines, with sustained interest. We climbed a couple which looked the best and they were really good. On a par with Valiant (VS 5a***) at Danby.

The tale of discovery would give away it's location, but we first spotted the crag through an oblique angle and a faint glimpse of an enormous arete. It looked in every way like Dunne's Divided years and we had to keep our excitement in control as we scrambled towards it. We assumed that a 30 metre prow of sandstone would have to be sandy, loose and crappy to have been left untouched, but it wasn't. It was just ace.

It is still an unknown quantity really. We climbed a few lines and abed down six. There is a poorly protected hanging arete that will be the best route in the moors when it is climbed. 16 metres of climbing, with tricams and poor RPs. I forgot my shunt, so I'm not sure how hard it will be, but perhaps a super classic E6 or something. Another 2/3 star route to the left up the wall at E5 6a or something. 3 star highball font 7a+ arete below, with brilliant balance moves, from which all the routes on this one (of eight) buttress begin.

The best buttress is hidden and offers a 14 metre E2 and a 12 metre HVS. A poor band of rock for the first couple of metres damages their quality a bit, but the rock is then perfect and there s no danger of injury with all the protection sound.

Further to the right and left are more buttresses- still of an unknown quantity. The rock is better than Stoupe and Danby, which isn't bad anyway and the rock is generally pretty clean. So I think all that can be said is that it is about the perfect find. I'm sure there will be hard stuff there too and it seemed quite nice in a winter gale, so I suppose in summer it will be ace. A bit cold yesterday like!

Thoughts On The Moors- And My New Book!

Two months in to my Innsbruck purgatory and I'm starting to see things back in the moors a lot clearer- you always do when you're away for some reason. This is all project related- unclimbed lines in the moors.

There is so much, that it has started to overwhelm me and I've been attacking them with no sensible logic or reason. I've been trying to top rope moves of routes that will be H10+, whilst having lead attempts on bouldery E7s ground up. This might be an effective way to work if you're Adam Ondra; but I aint!

This unsystematic and unprofessional way of working is most fun, which is apparently what climbing is all about, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't fueled by self-ravishing (or should that be raddishing) ambition. So how to make my four months in summer (and two weeks at the start of April it's looking like) more efficient...

So there is the mono wall.... I've been getting stronger in Innsbruck, with a mega long 10 deg. overhanging traverse on tiny holds as my own little project indoors, but not strong enough to solo font 8a or whatever it is. I have also compiled a list of 40 odd things of around E6/7 to have a look at, but I'd be lying to myself if I said I didn't want to put something up in the moors next year that is 'proper hard' by anyone's standard. So this is the dilemma of the esoteric activist... Work on one project and risk doing nowt, or fail to climb something you think really represents your abilities and passion. I don't know why, but an H10 seems a lot more appetising than 15 H7s. Hopefully we'll have time for both.

This all sounds a bit anal; as if I have already decided what is going to get climbed this year and as if there is no adventure left. This isn't the case. Perhaps this is just the waffle that surrounds my brain, that is necessary to get psyched for training, or perhaps it is actually quite absent from my head during most of the week due to my new project: My Book. And before you all start to fear, it isn't a rather premature auto-biography, it's a semi instructional and hopefully mind-bending book on how to politically manipulate children. Disturbing you might say, but I assure you it will be a best seller.